I eat only because they say I must; but I can no longer taste the food, and have trouble working my teeth to chew. Realized today how introverted I’ve become – to a debilatating point. I don’t go to see my mom and sisters, though they’ve been gone for weeks; I don’t want to speak to her new boyfriend, and of this he is growing steadily aware. Riding in the truck, I relished the stereo being too loud for conversation…stared out the window and wondered, saw how living my loved ones were, and how very dead I appeared. No color in my cheeks, lips a thin, pallid line. And tomorrow will be the same…and yet they want to say “you’re going through a phase” or “it will get better in time” or even “aren’t you grateful for anything?!” No, I’m not grateful.

Today I decided for sure: eighteen is upcoming, and I am not ready. I don’t care about school; why should I? There’s nothing, for the world is a sphere, and on it are thousands and hundreds of thousands of social networks. This is the reason for existence – to rapidly cart knowledge from one place to another, from the mouths of one people to another – for survival, done in instinct. We NEED to socialize to live a fruitful life.

If we don’t share our ideas, they might well not exist.

Advertisements