Never. Believe. Them.

This morning my mom woke me bright and early (the old cliche) and I readied for a doctor’s visit. What for, Lynsey? Well, because I have arthritis, and because I find it difficult to live with, we’ve now considered all the possible routes to good health and thus made our decision: peptides. I would rave over how wonderful and miraculous these shots are, but I’ve limited time and mental muscle, so I’ll keep it short. 

So there I sat, in a chair in a doctor’s office – not my favorite place in the world, let me tell you; I’ve spent my fair share under harsh examination lights – until the doctor came in. His nurse readied the needle and set it out on the counter. It wasn’t as large as I imagined, which was a small relief. And I figured (trying not to flex or tighten my muscles) if I overanticipated the hurt, it would in turn be less than what I expected. Well. He told me to stand and tug my jeans to just below my hipbones, swabbed the area, examined the needle-

I’ve broken a few bones – my foot and collar bone, to be exact. I’ve had some guy in the ER dig into my knee nerves with a needle. I’ve broken the skin below my big toe and not cried at all. And much more. The pain today rivals any prior pains. Or perhaps that’s just my mind speaking, and after I endure a certain amount of pain I’m prone to forgetting how much and instead am left with the ghost of a notion of the pain.

The initial pain wasn’t as bad I expected. So I thought: Oh, it’s not that bad. (How we all like to believe in the greater good.)

“Is it stinging yet?” Yes, it was. More than stinging. First a surge down my right leg, then through my buttock, and then I was grappling for balance and trying deep, even breathing. After he’d disposed of the needle and the band-aid was on my hip, I stumbled toward the seat, paying particular attention to awareness. And this is was what my mind was saying: GOOD GOD WHAT THE HECK STOP STOP STOP.

“Are you okay?” – a concerned nurse. I love that question. It’s just like the “How are you feeling” question. What do they want you to say? Oh, yeah, I’m fine – I’m limping and gripping my thigh because it’s fun.

But anyway. No NaPo yet today. As soon as I get my head back I’ll be on it.

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